I am feeling so lonely today.
I wonder if it is common for those with depression to have so few friends.
I have always found it hard to truly connect with people and have had only a handful of real friends in my life. I have never really "made" new friends. People have occasionally just taken a liking to me and done all the work to be in my life until I realized they were important to me. I do not know how to begin this process.
I am jealous of everyone, all the time. Mostly because I know that even those who claim to have "only a few friends" still have people they can call just to talk. They have people to come and drag them out of the house even if they are kicking and screaming. No one does that for me. And so I drift further and further into myself, just waiting for someone to save me. I know that no one will.
Right now I am living in a very stressful situation, still waiting for something to happen and not having any real time frame for when I can finally be free. And I have no one to just vent to. I have no one I can call to go out and get my mind off things. NOT ONE SOUL. Because I have no one who understands that nothing feels good right now. Nothing feels like it will make me feel better, no matter how much I want to feel something other than this.
Welcome to my pity party.
I know exactly how you feel! Wow.. it's like I wrote this myself.
ReplyDeleteIt's very common for depressed people to not have many friends. Depression loves isolation and isolation hates company. It's a very sad combo.
How do I know? I've been depressed my whole life. The last friend I had just recently took herself out of my life because she was feeling neglected by me. Honesty? she's better off. I'm a terrible friend. I am way too consumed with depression to be engaged in other peoples lives.
Anyway.. I blog about my depression too. I'm following your blog now and will read through it tonight.
Stay strong. I know it's hard.
I know how you feel. Making friends is really difficult for me; I am down in the dumps often and social anxiety cripples any confidence I might have. Many of the friends I did have either stabbed me in the back or drifted away, anyways.
ReplyDeleteI realized something, though. I do not want to lose the friends that I do have so I put more effort towards my few relationships. I much prefer this to having a ton of friends who aren't particularly close, even if they're not the type who comes to my house and drags me out to places. It is nice just having somebody to talk to.
Remember, things can and will improve. But waiting for some knight in shining armour to grab your hand out of the abyss isn't the solution. Call somebody and vent or throw something on and go out. Depression does make it extremely difficult to do anything, but a bit of it is self induced. Use your will power to fight against it. You deserve to have fun and have friends, so carve your own path out of the blues.
Very good words.....Carve your path out of the blues.... I wish depression was easier to manage
DeleteI like that....Carve your own path out of the Blues. This is the truth isn't it? Each one of has to find our inner self and LOVE ourselves. Mainly I am thinking it is all about the love we have/and share in life. Granted depression brings us way down to a level we need lifetd up from, that is what is soo hard. We have to try and stay away from that low-ness.
DeleteOh, and you're not alone! Hundreds of thousands of people suffer from depression and anxiety. I find it comforting that I am not the only person that feels like I do. And there's lots of supportive articles, forums and the like all over the internet (and in real life) too. I think your blog is a great first step, personally, it must feel good to let your emotions and frustrations out.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting. I know how hard depression is. I have had a great year. Then today I fell apart again. I wish I could help you. People who have never really suffered serious depression can not understand the feeling. It is an all consuming feeling. I hope you are feeling better today. I have no answers, but I do know that if you can look outside yourself it helps. Don't live in your head so much. I read or crochet a lot to help. I learned to crochet on the internet. I hope and pray you feel better soon. Be well.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's unusual to have no friends when you suffer from depression. I really don't have any, and I refuse to take part in many social activities because I'm too anxious. Besides I figure everyone is better off without me and I'll just bring the mood down. I do have some family in my life, along with my husband. Although I can tell my husband exactly what I'm thinking, even if it involves wanting to punch him in the face, or slam my own against the wall, he still doesn't seem to really grasp my struggles. I don't think it's that he doesn't care. I just don't think he can really handle it. He doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. I can't be upset with him; depressed people are friggin impossible to deal with much of the time. All the same, I wish he would just do something. What I really need is for him to slap me when things are getting out of hand, but he would never do that. No one does.
ReplyDeleteThere aren't many (if any) people who will come over and drag you out of bed whether you're kicking and screaming or catatonic and forcefeed you applesauce while you cry and scream and rant and call them names. Maybe I need to hire someone objective who doesn't know me, and they can come over and kick my butt when I'm getting too involved with the self-pity thing. What do you think?
Feel free to talk to me sometime, I started my blog yesterday because I don't have anyone to talk to either.
Keep moving ahead, one painstaking step at a time.
Moody
I actually laughed out loud when you spoke of how you've made friends, because that is so me. I rejected and turned my back on my best friend so many times, but she always kept coming back, until I realized how lucky I was to have someone who just kept coming back. Who saw my beauty through my crazy. I've followed your blog, you might enjoy mine. It's a variety blog, but I often speak about depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety. Take care, better days will come.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your invitation to your 'pity party'.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with self pity: if no one pities you, you've got to do it yourself.
As to friends: I share your experience of being chosen by my friends. They chose the woman I present to the outside world, the strong empathetic 'nice' woman.
If I tell them about my depression, they shrug: can't be that bad, everyone has a dip now and then... Since I'm a loner at heart (some even call me a hermit) I don't mind their staying away. This is where I'm different from most people who fear loneliness more than anything in the world, and I realise this makes depression a little easier for me to carry.
Btw, sorry if my English is incorrect, it's not my mother tongue.
I just went through a loss of friends because of alcohol and depression. It's very sad how many people don't understand or want to understand depression. Definitely floating in the same boat and feeling very lonely in this boat. Always thinking about jumping off the boat.
ReplyDeleteI could have wrote this exactly. It sucks. I'm a terrible friend and really don't blame those for not sticking around. Will it ever get better?? Who knows?
ReplyDeleteHow do you solve the mood swings I had a big row with son and wife last night and feeling really down today, I have lost all my focus and feel as if I have achieved nothing with my life. I want to be happy but life always seems to have new stresses and problems there to stumble me when I try to be positive. Not sure I know what I want from life and at nearly 50 that is really frightening.
ReplyDeleteHey there, I just found your blog and think it's great. Hope you are doing okay! I just started a blog as well to try to document how best to cope. I also suffer from depression and can't say I have a huge number of friends either. What everyone else has said is definitely true -- a lot of people just don't understand the withdrawal symptoms and seeming wish of isolation that comes with depression. If you're looking to reconnect with someone, maybe do a little thing to show you're thinking of them and do actually care. Like send them a random card in the mail. I have a friend from college who does that every now and then, and even though we go sometimes a year or two without speaking, the small act shows me that she still cares and is thinking of me. And I always remember what my grandmother once told me -- that if you have one true friend in this world, you are very lucky.
ReplyDeleteAs for being a bad mother, I wouldn't dwell on such a thought. My dad also has depression and kids are very intuitive. I never once thought he was a bad father. I always just saw that there was sadness in him. Although depression can make you snappy and anxious, it also makes you caring and sensitive.
Here is a helpful article for persons suffering from dipression -
ReplyDeletehttp://nut.bz/yirtxgbc
Many of us men and women are looking for a loved one to spend the rest of our life with.
ReplyDelete