I feel it creeping back again. It hides in the dark corners of my mind and I feel like it is just waiting to spring itself on me. I am not sleeping well. I am gaining weight. I have no interest in leaving my house. Every single day I contemplate calling in sick to work. A couple of days I have done it.
This is what relapsing into depression looks like. I know it. I have been here enough times to recognize the symptoms. I am terrified. I am on medication. I have been doing pretty well. Or at least I thought I was doing pretty well. But looking at my journal entries from the last several months I am seeing that I have not been doing all that great. I was suffering a lot of the symptoms of depression but my mood was ok so I thought I was in the clear. Well in the last couple of weeks, my mood has been miserable and I can't seem to just will myself out of it.
I know I need to see my doctor about adjusting my meds. It is time to do that again. I dread it because I fear withdrawal symptoms almost as much as I fear the depression itself. I have been on so many combinations. I just don't know what else there is for me to try. I have been on Cymbalta for almost 10 years. Maybe its time to give that a switch. Maybe it's the anti=psychotic he gave me to boost the effects of the Cymbalta. Maybe I need to get back on the Wellbutrin that I was sure had saved my live when I was hospitalized. I never should have gone off that.
My boyfriend tries to be understanding but he hates that I just want to sleep all the time. I don't want to go out on date nights. I'm too exhausted from not sleeping all night. I tried Ambien but it did nothing. My doc has me on another medication that isn't technically for sleep but it helps with sleep. It helps to a point. But I am still only getting about 5-6 hours a night and that just isn't enough for me. The worst thing is that when I do have a chance to nap I just lay there unable to sleep even then. It seems I am constantly fighting a battle with sleep, which used to be one of my favorite old friends.
I am due back to the doctors in 2 weeks. I am hoping I can last that long without having a major episode. I hope that this slide into depression takes its time. I am hoping he can help me.
The info given is quite good. It helps in tracking the major depression factors that a person goes through which is very necessary for its treatment
ReplyDeleteI'm going through the same things. I had convinced myself that I was fine but my friends noticed what was happening before I did. Have an appointment on Wednesday. I hate feeling like this but honestly, I don't feel like really doing anything different.
ReplyDeleteThat's what good friends do. They notice things when you aren't capable of seeing them. Good luck with your appointment.
DeleteSaddens me to see how many people have to go through these exact emotions. Your post summarises how many of us feel, you word it well.
ReplyDeleteI hope your situation improves soon, I hope it gets better. Take care :)
This is awesome. Thanks for spending so much effort in sharing this your views.
ReplyDeleteWith Regards,
Potentialz
Clinical psychologist in sydney | Anxiety treatment in sydney
My brother goes through a lot of these symptoms and I thank you for giving me an inside perspective so I can be more understanding. One day soon we won't have to worry about these types of issues. I look forward to the time mentioned in Revelation 21:3,4 where all sickness, sorrow and pain will be a thing of the past. I'll keep you in my prayers and I hope that the adjustment in your meds is helpful.
ReplyDeleteHope your situation has improved. I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI'm also sharing something the may be of help during this time.
Depression - How to Treat It.
http://tinyurl.com/hlygnn6
RJ