So I'm dating someone.
I started talking to him via an online dating sight several months ago. We chatted for a while, stopped talking and then a few weeks ago he contacted me again. We met up. I liked him instantly. He's tall, muscular and really nice.
We had a few dates and then the sexting started. Now, it's been 2 years for me since I've been in anything resembling a relationship so this was exciting for me. We stayed up late sexting and then I would see him the next day and he would act like a gentleman. I told him that I wasn't looking to jump into bed right away as sex seems to make me attached and I wanted to know a guy liked me before I put myself out there like that. He was okay with that.
Last Friday we went out to dinner then back to his place to "watch a movie" He put the movie in and we watched about the first 5 minutes of it and we started making out. It was thrilling. He is an amazing kisser. I forgot how much I like making out when the end result isn't necessarily sex. We kissed and caressed and did some over the clothes rubbing but I kept my pants on. I felt like a teenager. After about 3 hours of that he drove me home.
Saturday night I didn't have my daughter so he came over to my place. I wasn't as well behaved. We made out for a while. I wanted him. I am an adult and I can have sex if I want to so we did. It was great. He stayed the night and we made love a couple more times. I haven't had sex like that since I was about 22. It was passionate and sensual and satisfying. I have butterflies even typing this right now.
He came over again last night and we hooked up again. He had a lot to do yesterday and I was flattered that he made time to come see me.
Here's the thing. Now that I have had sex with him I am just waiting for him to change his mind about me. He waited all that time for me to put out and now that I have I am afraid he is going to lose interest. Part of it is because I really like him. We talk about things and about ourselves and he makes me feel incredibly sexy. But the other part of it is my own issues. I can't believe that anyone would like me. I'm overweight (he likes curves) and I am socially awkward (he likes staying home). I think that's why I've stayed single for so long. I don't think anyone would want to be with me long term.
I am so afraid that this is going to turn into a little fling and he is going to lose interest. And by feeling like that I think I come across as desperate. I have to summon all my will not to text him all day long. I was so stand-offish when we first started talking. I think he likes the chase. At one point he actually said "you make me work for everything and I love it". What happens when I try to open up and I show that I actually like him? Does that ruin his image of me as hard to get?
Holy shit. I clearly need to be in therapy. I can see how insane this all sounds.
