B took the kid to Florida for a wedding and I have been so bored out of my mind here with no kind of company, no plan, no purpose. I cleaned the house and did all my "chores" the first day and now the house is neat and I am sitting here debating whether to nap again or just look out the window. As I mentioned before, I have no one really to call and I no longer know how to pass my time alone.
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I used to LOVE being alone. Before I was hospitalized I loved to read, nap and have long afternoons to catch up on DVDs that I haven't watched. I would go to the bookstore or library and shop alone, never missing anyone's company. But things are different now. I can't read. Nothing interests me at home. I don't want to read the newspaper or sit on Facebook. I went to the bookstore yesterday with my own permission to buy whatever I wanted and nothing appealed to me. I put on a movie after dinner and by 8:30 I was asleep, waking around 3 am because I was fully rested and not able to get back to sleep.
I will be on my own in a couple of weeks. What will I do? Half the week I will be alone and with no one to call and nothing to do. I can't possibly sleep that much. What will I do? Who will help me to ward off the blackness that I can barely keep away now with people here all the time?
I get sucked into the internet pretty easily. I look for old shows I used to watch as a kid. I actually just finished a series called Ready or Not. It was on the Disney channel in the 90's. Also, Youtube takes up a lot of time. My anxiety makes it really hard to go out. The internet is a pretty good escape for me.
ReplyDeleteTry making a schedule like they had for you in the hospital. I can only imagine what you are going through right now. If you need to take time to feel sad then do it. But You might feel better if you get out of the house. If you want to chat my email is ambymcgee at gmail.com do you feel better when you pamper yourself a little? Like paint your nails or put a mask in your hair? Im Sorry.
ReplyDeleteTrying to overcome depression, it is advisable to leave comfort zone looking for new emotions and feelings. Comfort zone
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I followed you up with GFC, it'd be great if you follow me back.
Hi there. I suffer from severe depression as well. Like you, everything seems pointless and requires herculean effort now. The worst part is the sleeping bit. I sleep all the time, and my self-worth is incredibly low. I've suffered from this for six years, ever since high school ended, and I even had a very close suicide attempt in September 2010. Sometimes I just want to scream at the unfairness of it all.
ReplyDeleteAll that being said, I really do think I have a purpose in life. I was an atheist for a long time, and due to the utter depths of hopelessness I was in, I became a believer in Jesus. God has really helped me emotionally. Try going to a local church and talking to the pastor. There are people who care about you out there. Remember, God loves you!
Life sucks
ReplyDeleteI have just started blogging about depression as a way to try and document progress (if theres any) But I agree being alone is the hardest. Even though it seems like the thing you crave the most at times as you are numb to everything else. I've been trying to listen to audiobooks, that way I am sitting doing nothing but listening to a story to get me out of my thoughts, or even listening while out walking works sometimes too! :)
ReplyDeleteDear friend..well i dont wana give you any suggestion for your problem..because i know how it feels well..as im facing the same here..my blog..www.infomedicblogspot.com..if you look there,you will knw why i said that i knw well ..even any suggestion ,advice wont help us much...if you find a way,do let me know.being like this really make my life so miserable,,.pls tc of urslf too..tc
ReplyDeleteyour blog is really great and relatable Stay strong x
ReplyDelete